i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize