If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize