Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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