i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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