I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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