4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
