(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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