Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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