Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
