dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
