Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
