This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
