so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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