You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
