Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
