I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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