Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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