Pappa wants mamma naked
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
