Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
