We're like a lot better than the average bears
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
