Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
