why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
