I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
