dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
operation harelip BJ is a go
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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