I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
