they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
