I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
