you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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