She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
