3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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