If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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