Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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