and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
