We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
