she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
be right there i have to get my cape
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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