If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
