She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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