Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
