A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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