your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
