it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
