I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
