he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
