I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
