His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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