do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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