I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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