So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
