apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
