So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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