it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
