I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
