This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
